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February 17, 2007
#26

Mood: down & depressing.

Today my mood is so down.. though yesterday I still enjoyed (or least I tried) my life as much as I could. But just sudden I realized that I've lost something. a piece of paper, I remmber it was a present from an old friend who's faraway now, that time I didn't pay attention to it cuz it seems like just a piece of paper to me. I put it on my desk, and i see it everyday and each time I pose the same question, "What will I do with you ?"... and then time flies that paper still stay all-wisely on my desk, at same place..until, 2 dayz ago, I was tidying my room..I dun't do it everyday so just once a week (?).. and it disappeared. The piece of paper wasn't at its place anymore.. for the 1st time since then I posed a new question "Where is it ?" . I looked around, at every corner, on the ground but not a sight. It really disappeared. At that instant, something grows on me forcing me to continue to look for it, "even if it's an useless piece of paper, I dun't want to loose it!" . And I continue to look for it..


At this moment,when I write those lines, that piece of paper is probably voyaging on itself somewhere else. ha. with someone else.. My mom told me yesterday that when I was at school few dayz ago, one of her friends came visit & she brought also her little daughter, it happened that my mom made them visit around (now I understand why my mom yelled at me to clean my room that time hum), and it seems like that piece of paper caught someone's attention... what happened next ? u can guess, my mom, to show off her "generosity" took away that piece of paper which belonged to me (!)& offered to that girl.

euhhh....

well. what's the matter, huh ? u dun't need it anyways.
...do they day that just when we lost it we know its importance. wth.

at least there it may be "loved" by someone (looks like that girl is a paper collectioner ? O_o)... and I dun't have to pose any question either.

What kind of person I am ?..

I'm a heartless person. It was a present from an old friend that I dun't have any contact now, but ... why do I have that regret feeling ?...*sigh* watever, who cares.


...................................................

Tonight my mom goes out to a party, I think it's for chinese new year.. I almost forgot it if my mom didn't remind me few dayz ago.
I wonder if my brain is working well.
well, at least it's not damaged..yet, that's wat I think (!)
As alwayz, I tried to find a reason for not coming, I hate party.
My buddies keep telling me that I'm so bored~ "ah thanks !!"
well, as alwayz my mom grinned her brow, but strangely she did not talk to me with her high voice, did not show any sight of her anger.. (?)
She just said that she & I wun't live together forever.. that one day I will definitely leave her, that one day I will choose someone else over her, that ...
I stopped her.
I thought she was annoying.
How old does she think I am... and yet she still gave me those arguments to convince me.. well. not that I'm mean, I understand all wat she was trying to say, just that I dun't want to hear to that fact.
...I dun't want to hear it from my mom, that she thinks that we'd be apart no matter what.
I'll grow up, I'll go out there to discover the world,but...
I want her to know that I will come back to her, watever happens to her or me.

She just pissed me off when in the end she even promised to let me go to Japan this summer vacation if I go with her.

I know, I'm so heartless ,so careless. So what.


..................................................

I feel like goin to a shooting school now, cuz it's the fastest way... isn't it?


ran~
by Ran @ 3:29 PM  
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